Pro-choice and Pro-life Redefined.

From the beginning of time women have been unequivocally blessed with the ability to share in the creation of the human race, and have been revered through the tremendous responsibility of carrying life within their wombs. Witnessing how life grows within, and nurturing that life from the time of conception on, presents women with a spiritual experience that intrinsically ties her to the divine. Indeed, it is through motherhood that women are elevated in rank above men in the saying of the prophet (saw):

“A man came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father.”

Motherhood in Islam is presented as the ultimate ideal for women, a role so great that makes paradise itself lie at her feet. A picture of perfection is painted for the Muslim woman on the beauty of having, raising, and taking care of children, framed with the unquestionable duty to increase the numbers of our ummah, and signed with the unspoken brushstroke statement: “if you do not become a mother, then you are a failure.”

Perhaps this is how, traditionally, Islamic culture and society have imposed on women the “religious” and human obligation to procreate, earnestly pushing for sisters to conceive right after marriage. Thus, it is not uncommon to have all female relatives and neighbors inquire as to one’s pregnancy status, a week or so after the wedding night. In some cases, the expectations can be so taxing, especially for older sisters whose biological clocks are ticking fast, that conversations on parenthood, parenting, or contraception are usually unheard of amongst the newlywed.

Therefore, it is no surprise, that when women finally figure out the painful, challenging, and outright draining side of motherhood, the choice to have or not have children is no longer theirs. It seems as if in the blink of an eye, many sisters suddenly find themselves with little Ahmad, Fatima, and Yusuf (and baby Maryam on the way), before they can consciously take a step back and analyze what motherhood really entails.

Allah, All-Mighty is He, says in the Qur’an:
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward.” 64:15

All too often, when confronted with the realities of childbirth and childrearing, and the never-ending sacrifices one must make to meet children’s needs before one’s own, sisters are cornered with the unsupported argument that choosing not to have children is prohibited in Islam. Yet Allah says in the Qur’an we were put on this Earth to worship Him, and His worship can be carried out in various forms. There are several examples throughout Islamic history, where Muslim women and men never married or had children (by fate or choice, Allah knows best), and lived a life of scholarship dedicated to the advancement of Islamic knowledge and propagation of our deen.

No doubt motherhood can earn women an elevated status in Islam, but entering into it without full disclosure of its headaches and heartaches, can sometimes be detrimental to the spiritual growth, and well being of some women, their families, and ergo, of society at large. For some Muslim women, motherhood not only translates into never pursuing an education, a career, or any of her dreams, but it also robs them from the love and companionship of their spouses. This is especially true in Western countries, where the extended family structure is virtually non-existent, and children are solely under the care of the mother and father. For couples who are blessed to experience marriage before children, arrival of too many bundles of joy can unfortunately turn into never-ending babysitting conflicts and parenting disputes, possibly leading to divorce and custody fights.

Furthermore, choosing not to become a mother is in itself an inner battle that has been extensively researched by the modern woman, and timelessly thought about by women for millennia. It is a dilemma over which women agonize, due to its biological limits, and binding implications on femininity and one life’s purpose, as stated in the book by psychoanalyst Jeanne Safer, “Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a life without children.”

Ultimately though, Muslim women should be allowed the freedom to have a life with or without children. They should be given the choice, since it is their life.