Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, in the hadith narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (ra): “You will certainly follow the ways of those who came before you, span by span, cubit by cubit, until even if they were to enter a lizard’s hole, you would follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allah, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “ Who else?!”
In 2002, the Catholic Church witnessed one of the worse sex scandals seen in decades, when high-ranking members of the Church, including one of the Cardinals appointed by the Pope, were found to be guilty of covering up for religious leaders accused of sexual abuse. Cardinal Bernard Law, along with other bishops of the Boston Archdiocese, allegedly reassigned priests known to have committed sexual abuse from parish to parish for years, secretly conjuring settlements and paying off victims for their silence. Discovery of decade-old records revealing unanswered complaints and allegations of sexual abuse by Church officials, led to the deposition of several bishops and the resignation of Cardinal Law.
In the West, the average Muslim lives Islam without any of the hierarchy and governing bodies present in the Catholic Church. Our religious leaders or imams are generally religious scholars “hired” by a Board of Directors or the mosque’s owner, to teach, lead the prayer, and keep the community involved, and united, through regular classes and family potlucks. When strong allegations of sexual abuse are raised against a Muslim religious scholar (and are kept outside the legal system), he is often asked to resign as a means to kill the “fitna”, and made to leave the community hush-hush. Unfortunately, his resignation warranties only one thing: a new imam’s position elsewhere. This is because religious leaders nowadays are “on-demand”; just look through any of the major Islamic publications in the US and see for yourself.
Due to the condemnation faced by community members when they resort to the “kuffar” system to prosecute sexual predators who happen to be Muslim scholars and “the face of the community”, many Muslims do not speak up, let alone press charges, against these men. Shamefully, our communities encourage the same secrecy and deception that kept priests going from parish to parish committing abominable acts, which results in corrupt scholars having the freedom to move about “unnoticed” from state to state, mosque to mosque, perpetuating their deviant behaviors and leaving a trail of abused sisters, or worse yet -children, in their wake.
A few years ago, a religious scholar teaching at an Islamic school sexually molested a student. The family did not press charges to protect the privacy of the child and his chances of being married upon reaching adulthood. The school’s board asked the scholar to resign. Given his highly sought-out credentials (hafiz of Qur’an, Ph.D. in Islamic Studies, command of the English language, etc), he was soon offered a position at another Islamic school in a different state. Sadly, when the latter school contacted the former to ask for a reference, the administrative staff felt it was their duty to protect the scholar’s honor by covering his faults. They simply commented on his teaching skills and ability to engage students in class. The brother got the position, and a year later, was charged for sexually molesting another child at the new school.
Unfortunately, the reverence that some Muslims feel towards the scholars of the ummah can be a strong deterrent in fulfilling our obligation to forbid evil. Anas ibn Malik (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) was asked: “‘O Messenger of Allah, (what will happen) when we stop enjoining good and forbidding evil?’ He said: ‘When what happened to the Israelites happens among you: when fornication becomes widespread among your leaders, knowledge is in the hands of the lowest of you, and power passes into the hands of the least of you.’”
Muslims must recognize that although religious scholars are to be honored and respected for the knowledge they have been entrusted with, they are not infallible nor above the law. It is not enough for scholars to learn and teach Qur’an: they must live by it, for actions speak louder than words. Our communities need to hold their religious scholars accountable for their transgressions, instead of indifferently turning a blind eye and deaf ear to grave allegations against such scholars, for fear of temporarily leaving the mosque without leadership or religious guidance.
The Prophet (saw) said: “The night I was carried to heaven, I passed by several people whose lips were being cut off with scissors of fire. On asking them who they were, they replied: ‘We were learned men who were wont to enjoin good but do it not, and forbid evil but commit it ourselves.’”
Indeed, Muslim scholars must bear the responsibility of the knowledge they possess and impart. No doubt, our scholars are human beings with imperfections who are bound to sin. Yet Allah (swt) has made it clear in the Qur’an that not equal are the ones that know and the ones that do not know. To sin in ignorance is one thing, but to abuse scholarship and authority to intentionally transgress Allah’s bounds, harming others in the process, is a totally different one. Muslims must not hesitate to apply the full extent of the law on corrupt scholars known for their excesses, be it shari’ah or secular. Silence should not be an option.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Corrupt Scholars - Part 1: Entitled to Diplomatic Impunity?
Muslims throughout the world are fierce in their love and respect of Muslim religious scholars, whom Allah (swt) and His beloved prophet Muhammad (saw) have so strongly praised in the Qur’an and ahadith. Endless are the narrations on the excellence of those who seek knowledge and teach it, those who memorize and recite our sacred scripture, and those who sacrifice their lives in the pursuit of knowledge.
In the hadith reported by Abu Darda (as), the prophet (saw) said:
"He who follows a path in quest of knowledge, Allah will make the path of Jannah easy to him. The angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. The inhabitants of the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depth of the oceans seek forgiveness for him. The superiority of the learned man over the devout worshipper is like that of the full moon to the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets who bequeath neither dinar nor dirham but only that of knowledge; and he who acquires it, has in fact acquired an abundant portion.''
As inheritors of the prophets, Muslim religious scholars form the backbone of our Ummah, and are indispensable for its existence. Yet Allah (swt) and His messenger (saw) have also warned us from those scholars who do not honor their knowledge through their actions, and are heedless of the responsibility that comes with acquiring it.
In the hadith narrated on the authority of Sulaiman b. Yasar, the prophet (saw) said of the first men whose case will be decided on the Day of Judgment:
“…Then will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur’an. He will be brought and Allah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then will Allah ask: What did you do (to requite these blessings)? He will say: I acquired knowledge and disseminated it and recited the Qur’an seeking Thy pleasure. Allah will say: You have told a lie. You acquired knowledge so that you might be called “a scholar,” and you recited the Qur’an so that it might be said: “He is a Qari” and such has been said. Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire.”
Although Muslims have been forewarned about such evil scholars who do not “walk the talk”, there is a strong culture of secrecy in our communities, where scholars are granted “diplomatic immunity” and seem to be above the law. In the West, our mosques’ grounds are like embassies, where scholars are allowed to abuse their scholarship and cross the line from piety into wrongdoing without accountability.
Let us take the example of sister Rayan. As a young sister in deen, she sought guidance and knowledge from the “sheikh” in her local mosque, after moving to Montana from Texas. Upholding impeccable Islamic manners, he assisted the sister in getting settled in the community, and offered to teach her to read Qur’an. As a charity and sacrifice “fi sabilillah” (for the sake of Allah), he eventually asked for her hand in marriage, as he saw in her great talents and potential which would benefit Islam. Using her literary skills, he promised she would assist him in compiling his academic works for dawah purposes, and even translate them to her native language. Thus, based on shady interpretations and weak narrations, he performed his own marriage ceremony to sister Rayan, with a close friend present as a witness. A week after the marriage was consummated sister Rayan found herself sexually abused and divorced. Two years later, sister Rayan met sister Umm Hatim, another divorcee of the “sheikh”.
When the sisters voiced the atrocities they experienced, and exposed the sheikh’s misbehavior to the community, they were immediately faced with strong opposition by his followers, who expressed anger at the outrageous accusations and sisters’ impudence.
“How dare you speak evil about the scholars of our Ummah?”
“You sisters are worse than the hypocrites who slandered our beloved prophet (saw)!”
“For your slander, you should receive 80 lashes!”
“Al hasan Bin Ali (ra) had married 83 women in a period of 25 years! To marry and divorce is not a sin.”
And so on.
Not once were the scholar’s actions questioned: only the sisters’ accusations were rebutted, their reputations ruined, and their accounts considered inadmissible without four witnesses based on shari’ah. What started off as “diplomatic immunity” turned to impunity, when his followers began a campaign to lobby for the sheikh’s righteousness. Despite the verse of the chapter entitled “The Women” that reads: “Allah does not like that evil be publicized except if one is wronged", sisters were coerced into silence through threats and intimidation.
Yet even in such unfathomable ordeals, there are important lessons to be learned.
In the hadith reported by Abu Darda (as), the prophet (saw) said:
"He who follows a path in quest of knowledge, Allah will make the path of Jannah easy to him. The angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. The inhabitants of the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depth of the oceans seek forgiveness for him. The superiority of the learned man over the devout worshipper is like that of the full moon to the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets who bequeath neither dinar nor dirham but only that of knowledge; and he who acquires it, has in fact acquired an abundant portion.''
As inheritors of the prophets, Muslim religious scholars form the backbone of our Ummah, and are indispensable for its existence. Yet Allah (swt) and His messenger (saw) have also warned us from those scholars who do not honor their knowledge through their actions, and are heedless of the responsibility that comes with acquiring it.
In the hadith narrated on the authority of Sulaiman b. Yasar, the prophet (saw) said of the first men whose case will be decided on the Day of Judgment:
“…Then will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur’an. He will be brought and Allah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then will Allah ask: What did you do (to requite these blessings)? He will say: I acquired knowledge and disseminated it and recited the Qur’an seeking Thy pleasure. Allah will say: You have told a lie. You acquired knowledge so that you might be called “a scholar,” and you recited the Qur’an so that it might be said: “He is a Qari” and such has been said. Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire.”
Although Muslims have been forewarned about such evil scholars who do not “walk the talk”, there is a strong culture of secrecy in our communities, where scholars are granted “diplomatic immunity” and seem to be above the law. In the West, our mosques’ grounds are like embassies, where scholars are allowed to abuse their scholarship and cross the line from piety into wrongdoing without accountability.
Let us take the example of sister Rayan. As a young sister in deen, she sought guidance and knowledge from the “sheikh” in her local mosque, after moving to Montana from Texas. Upholding impeccable Islamic manners, he assisted the sister in getting settled in the community, and offered to teach her to read Qur’an. As a charity and sacrifice “fi sabilillah” (for the sake of Allah), he eventually asked for her hand in marriage, as he saw in her great talents and potential which would benefit Islam. Using her literary skills, he promised she would assist him in compiling his academic works for dawah purposes, and even translate them to her native language. Thus, based on shady interpretations and weak narrations, he performed his own marriage ceremony to sister Rayan, with a close friend present as a witness. A week after the marriage was consummated sister Rayan found herself sexually abused and divorced. Two years later, sister Rayan met sister Umm Hatim, another divorcee of the “sheikh”.
When the sisters voiced the atrocities they experienced, and exposed the sheikh’s misbehavior to the community, they were immediately faced with strong opposition by his followers, who expressed anger at the outrageous accusations and sisters’ impudence.
“How dare you speak evil about the scholars of our Ummah?”
“You sisters are worse than the hypocrites who slandered our beloved prophet (saw)!”
“For your slander, you should receive 80 lashes!”
“Al hasan Bin Ali (ra) had married 83 women in a period of 25 years! To marry and divorce is not a sin.”
And so on.
Not once were the scholar’s actions questioned: only the sisters’ accusations were rebutted, their reputations ruined, and their accounts considered inadmissible without four witnesses based on shari’ah. What started off as “diplomatic immunity” turned to impunity, when his followers began a campaign to lobby for the sheikh’s righteousness. Despite the verse of the chapter entitled “The Women” that reads: “Allah does not like that evil be publicized except if one is wronged", sisters were coerced into silence through threats and intimidation.
Yet even in such unfathomable ordeals, there are important lessons to be learned.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cult Mentality Revisited - Part 2
To further elucidate the complex nature of secret, serial polygynous marriages, and expound on the challenging, welcomed perspectives elicited by readers, let us begin by addressing the issue of the victims’ accountability.
Sisters such as Patty, Halima and Ruqayah are often blamed for getting themselves into messy situations without strongly considering that they are introduced to Islam through the “back door”, and are under the powerful influence of the men involved. Cult leaders, by definition, are expert manipulators, pathological liars, charming, and promiscuous. They entice, snarl, and seduce their victims through their apparent knowledge and practice of deen, impeccable modesty and observance of Islamic etiquettes, and abundant generosity. On the surface, these brothers possess all the qualities of someone who fears Allah and would make a good mate.
As a single, divorced sister traveling with a group, Ruqayah met her husband-to-be while being lost during her performance of Hajj. In a foreign country and disoriented, she was touched by the kindness of the respectable brother who offered to help her get back to her hotel. After the ordeal, contact information was exchanged and upon their return and many phone calls, he traveled to her country for dawah. Under this pretext, he visited her local masjid, was welcomed as a religious authority in it during his frequent visits, and eventually offered to marry her to complete “half her deen”. The marriage was secret: not in her community, but to those in the country and community he lived in, including his wives.
This leads us to the issue of sisters going behind sisters’ backs to marry their husbands. In Islam, polygyny does not require the permission of the wife, nor does it need to be justified by war, famine, natural disasters, or the like. As long as a Muslim man is God-fearing and just, he is free to marry a second, third, and fourth wife. Allah has stated in the Quran that women are given rights equal to the rights of men. Thus, Muslim women are free to marry to guard their chastity. However, the existent double standards make it acceptable and praiseworthy for a Muslim man to marry (or marry more than one wife) to guard his chastity, while when a Muslim sister marries for that reason only, she is considered lewd and desperate.
Moreover, cult leaders often have a strategic alliance that lends them great credibility and leverage: the “head” wife. She is generally as controlling and manipulative as the cult leader himself. The head wife is a powerful influencer, part of the abuse equation, and may even seek out the next victim herself. Although subjected to emotional, sexual, and/or religious abuse, the head wife idolizes her husband, is subservient to his every whim and desire, and sees pleasing him as her stairway to heaven. This is why legal records show the head wife is often prosecuted along with the cult leader for harm done to cult victims.
Breaking away from a cult can be as difficult, if not more, than breaking free from an abusive relationship. Contrary to various claims, victims of abuse might recognize the abuse and be unable to put an end to it. Law enforcement officers are most familiar with this phenomenon, when responding to domestic violence 911 calls at the same address time after time. Great efforts are currently being made within the Muslim community to raise the awareness on domestic abuse and its vicious cycles. The recognition that our community and religious leaders are in dire need of training is critical, so that 1) sisters who are being abused and approach the imams for help are not told to “go back and be patient”, and 2) brothers who are known to be abusive are held accountable for their actions.
Halima was able to break free from her cult, and exposed the brother in her locality for marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret, serial manner, abusing them, and even coercing them into unlawful, deviant sexual practices including threesomes with the head wife. When confronted with such a delicate and disturbing case, the community bowed down and failed Halima by excusing the brother from his wrongdoings simply by his making of an oath to Allah. Brothers involved in the case even asked the cult leader forgiveness for “backbiting him” while trying to discuss the case seeking resolution.
As long as the Muslim community is unable to socially condemn and hold brothers accountable for abusing sisters and the sanctity of marriage, secret serial marriages are bound to continue to occur. It is not enough for one community to take a stand and make the brother leave the community. In an age of advanced, instant communication, Muslims must use technology to their advantage to warn sisters from brothers known for their abusive tendencies, as it is the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw).
Sisters such as Patty, Halima and Ruqayah are often blamed for getting themselves into messy situations without strongly considering that they are introduced to Islam through the “back door”, and are under the powerful influence of the men involved. Cult leaders, by definition, are expert manipulators, pathological liars, charming, and promiscuous. They entice, snarl, and seduce their victims through their apparent knowledge and practice of deen, impeccable modesty and observance of Islamic etiquettes, and abundant generosity. On the surface, these brothers possess all the qualities of someone who fears Allah and would make a good mate.
As a single, divorced sister traveling with a group, Ruqayah met her husband-to-be while being lost during her performance of Hajj. In a foreign country and disoriented, she was touched by the kindness of the respectable brother who offered to help her get back to her hotel. After the ordeal, contact information was exchanged and upon their return and many phone calls, he traveled to her country for dawah. Under this pretext, he visited her local masjid, was welcomed as a religious authority in it during his frequent visits, and eventually offered to marry her to complete “half her deen”. The marriage was secret: not in her community, but to those in the country and community he lived in, including his wives.
This leads us to the issue of sisters going behind sisters’ backs to marry their husbands. In Islam, polygyny does not require the permission of the wife, nor does it need to be justified by war, famine, natural disasters, or the like. As long as a Muslim man is God-fearing and just, he is free to marry a second, third, and fourth wife. Allah has stated in the Quran that women are given rights equal to the rights of men. Thus, Muslim women are free to marry to guard their chastity. However, the existent double standards make it acceptable and praiseworthy for a Muslim man to marry (or marry more than one wife) to guard his chastity, while when a Muslim sister marries for that reason only, she is considered lewd and desperate.
Moreover, cult leaders often have a strategic alliance that lends them great credibility and leverage: the “head” wife. She is generally as controlling and manipulative as the cult leader himself. The head wife is a powerful influencer, part of the abuse equation, and may even seek out the next victim herself. Although subjected to emotional, sexual, and/or religious abuse, the head wife idolizes her husband, is subservient to his every whim and desire, and sees pleasing him as her stairway to heaven. This is why legal records show the head wife is often prosecuted along with the cult leader for harm done to cult victims.
Breaking away from a cult can be as difficult, if not more, than breaking free from an abusive relationship. Contrary to various claims, victims of abuse might recognize the abuse and be unable to put an end to it. Law enforcement officers are most familiar with this phenomenon, when responding to domestic violence 911 calls at the same address time after time. Great efforts are currently being made within the Muslim community to raise the awareness on domestic abuse and its vicious cycles. The recognition that our community and religious leaders are in dire need of training is critical, so that 1) sisters who are being abused and approach the imams for help are not told to “go back and be patient”, and 2) brothers who are known to be abusive are held accountable for their actions.
Halima was able to break free from her cult, and exposed the brother in her locality for marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret, serial manner, abusing them, and even coercing them into unlawful, deviant sexual practices including threesomes with the head wife. When confronted with such a delicate and disturbing case, the community bowed down and failed Halima by excusing the brother from his wrongdoings simply by his making of an oath to Allah. Brothers involved in the case even asked the cult leader forgiveness for “backbiting him” while trying to discuss the case seeking resolution.
As long as the Muslim community is unable to socially condemn and hold brothers accountable for abusing sisters and the sanctity of marriage, secret serial marriages are bound to continue to occur. It is not enough for one community to take a stand and make the brother leave the community. In an age of advanced, instant communication, Muslims must use technology to their advantage to warn sisters from brothers known for their abusive tendencies, as it is the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw).
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Forbidding Evil: Muslims "Cast the First Stone"
The majority of Muslims are familiar with the alleged Biblical story of Jesus (as) asking those free of sin “to cast the first stone” in their condemnation of an adulteress. Pericope Adulterae, as the story is typically referred to, is claimed by Biblical scholars to be attributed to the Bible even though its origins are not divine and is missing from the earlier scrolls of the sacred text. Based on the significance of the story and the fact that it does not contradict the noble character and teachings of Jesus (as), most Biblical scholars have agreed upon its inclusion in the later versions of the Bible.
In Pericope Adulterae, Jesus (as) is approached by a group of hypocrites, with stones in hand, to judge in the case of an adulteress. The woman, commonly referred to as “the prostitute”, is caught in the act and brought to Jesus (as) for judgment. Knowing their deceiving nature, Jesus (as) addresses the hypocrites by saying: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. Haunted by their conscience, the group of men retreat from the scene, leaving Jesus (as) and the woman alone. He then asks of her if there were any accusers who condemned her, and in their absence, he then tells her to “go on and sin no more” .
This story presents us with the human dilemma of judging others for their evil actions when we ourselves are guilty of sin. As Muslims, we are constantly deliberating between enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, as Allah (swt) commanded us in the Quran , and keeping our sins in front of us when judging others. All too often we encounter fellow Muslim brothers and sisters publicly transgressing Allah’s boundaries in our communities: the brother with the convenience store who sells liquor, the sister who is always backbiting other sisters, the brother who abuses his wife. In these situations, we ask ourselves: “Who am I to say anything? Isn’t it hypocritical to admonish them when I am not without sin?”
In Islam, we can approach this moral predicament through the hadith reported by Abu Said Al-Khudri (ra), where the Prophet (saw) said "Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is unable to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest form of Faith" . Muslims have an obligation to forbid evil in all cases or they run the risk of being cursed by Allah for not condemning it, as stated by Prophet Muhammad (saw) in his saying: “Nay, by Allah, you either enjoin good and forbid evil and catch hold of the hand of the oppressor and persuade him to act justly and stick to the truth, or Allah will involve the hearts of some of you with the hearts of others and will curse you as He had cursed them.”
Looking back at Pericope Adulterae, we find critics of the story questioning Jesus’ wisdom in not punishing the adulteress. It is often argued that Jesus (as) understood the hypocrites’ approach to be a test of his knowledge and adherence to the Mosaic Law. Then there is the issue of double standards, in that only the adulteress was brought forth, leaving the unanswered questions of “Who was the adulterer?” and “Why was he not brought along with her?” Some critics are of the opinion that the adulterer may have been someone in the crowd, holding a position of authority from amongst the hypocrites, hence been left “off the hook”.
Muslims face many a challenge when forbidding evil, and often lack the wisdom and sincerity to do so effectively. For instance, we might be quick to judge the new sister in our community who does not wear hijab, but fail to admonish the veteran sister who attends the study circle and backbites. Or we might firmly stand against the brother who sells liquor in his convenience store, but will not dare speak up against the religious leader who commits wrongdoings.
In situations as such, we are reminded of the hadith reported by ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud, in which the Prophet (saw) stated: “The first defect (in religion) which affected the Children of Israel in the way that man would meet another and say to him: ‘Fear Allah and abstain from what you are doing, for this is not lawful for you’. Then he would meet him the next day and find no change in him, but this would not prevent him from eating with him, drinking with him and sitting in his assembles. When it came to this, Allah led their hearts into evil ways on account of their association with others.”
Forbidding evil is a duty that we all need to assume responsibly for our own sake and the benefit of our communities. No one amongst us is free of sin: we must forbid evil nonetheless.
In Pericope Adulterae, Jesus (as) is approached by a group of hypocrites, with stones in hand, to judge in the case of an adulteress. The woman, commonly referred to as “the prostitute”, is caught in the act and brought to Jesus (as) for judgment. Knowing their deceiving nature, Jesus (as) addresses the hypocrites by saying: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. Haunted by their conscience, the group of men retreat from the scene, leaving Jesus (as) and the woman alone. He then asks of her if there were any accusers who condemned her, and in their absence, he then tells her to “go on and sin no more” .
This story presents us with the human dilemma of judging others for their evil actions when we ourselves are guilty of sin. As Muslims, we are constantly deliberating between enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, as Allah (swt) commanded us in the Quran , and keeping our sins in front of us when judging others. All too often we encounter fellow Muslim brothers and sisters publicly transgressing Allah’s boundaries in our communities: the brother with the convenience store who sells liquor, the sister who is always backbiting other sisters, the brother who abuses his wife. In these situations, we ask ourselves: “Who am I to say anything? Isn’t it hypocritical to admonish them when I am not without sin?”
In Islam, we can approach this moral predicament through the hadith reported by Abu Said Al-Khudri (ra), where the Prophet (saw) said "Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is unable to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest form of Faith" . Muslims have an obligation to forbid evil in all cases or they run the risk of being cursed by Allah for not condemning it, as stated by Prophet Muhammad (saw) in his saying: “Nay, by Allah, you either enjoin good and forbid evil and catch hold of the hand of the oppressor and persuade him to act justly and stick to the truth, or Allah will involve the hearts of some of you with the hearts of others and will curse you as He had cursed them.”
Looking back at Pericope Adulterae, we find critics of the story questioning Jesus’ wisdom in not punishing the adulteress. It is often argued that Jesus (as) understood the hypocrites’ approach to be a test of his knowledge and adherence to the Mosaic Law. Then there is the issue of double standards, in that only the adulteress was brought forth, leaving the unanswered questions of “Who was the adulterer?” and “Why was he not brought along with her?” Some critics are of the opinion that the adulterer may have been someone in the crowd, holding a position of authority from amongst the hypocrites, hence been left “off the hook”.
Muslims face many a challenge when forbidding evil, and often lack the wisdom and sincerity to do so effectively. For instance, we might be quick to judge the new sister in our community who does not wear hijab, but fail to admonish the veteran sister who attends the study circle and backbites. Or we might firmly stand against the brother who sells liquor in his convenience store, but will not dare speak up against the religious leader who commits wrongdoings.
In situations as such, we are reminded of the hadith reported by ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud, in which the Prophet (saw) stated: “The first defect (in religion) which affected the Children of Israel in the way that man would meet another and say to him: ‘Fear Allah and abstain from what you are doing, for this is not lawful for you’. Then he would meet him the next day and find no change in him, but this would not prevent him from eating with him, drinking with him and sitting in his assembles. When it came to this, Allah led their hearts into evil ways on account of their association with others.”
Forbidding evil is a duty that we all need to assume responsibly for our own sake and the benefit of our communities. No one amongst us is free of sin: we must forbid evil nonetheless.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Cult Mentality in Secret, Serial Polygamous Marriages
The Prophet (saw) has stated, "The greatest sin amongst all sins in the eyes of Allah, is of a person, who marries a woman and divorces her once his needs have been fulfilled and also usurps her dowry in the process…" (Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi Ibn Umar)
In the last decade, great efforts have been vested into addressing some of the social evils affecting the Muslim community, but few, if any, have been the attempts to break the silence on secret serial marriages. Unfortunately, there is a growing trend in the community where respectable, well-known brothers who are praised for their Islamic knowledge, character and appearance, marry and divorce sisters in a secret, serial manner. More often than not, these marriages last short of a year, are kept secret from the community, and involve multiple wives in a polygamous marriage. You might ask yourself, how can these secret marriages even take place? Please read on.
First, let us hear from Patty, who met her husband-to-be on a train. As a single mother traveling with a child, she was overcome by the attention and kindness of the Muslim gentleman who approached them while traveling. After exchanging contact information, the man promised to visit at a later date, to talk about Islam and its beauty on the grounds of doing dawah. Shortly after his visit, an intimate relationship developed between Patty and the brother. To make up for “their” wrongdoing, he proposed a secret marriage, to be sustained by infrequent monthly visits and no financial support. Being introduced to Islam through “the back door” was nothing compared to the distorted teachings of Islam that followed. As a new Muslimah, Patty rejoiced in having found Allah and the blessings of this deen, while drowning on the contradictions between Islam, her husband’s teachings, and his actions.
Next, meet Halima, a mother of three and a survivor of an abusive relationship. A highly respected brother from the community assisted her in getting a khula from her abusive husband, through her divulging the most intimate details of the abuse she experienced. Through insistent phone calls to “check on her well-being”, Halima’s vulnerability during her iddah gave way to a proposed secret marriage; secret, for fear of the authorities since she was to be a third wife. She agreed to a one-night a week arrangement to accommodate his regular participation in congregational prayers and active involvement in helping the needy after work hours. The monthly allowance was set to a mere $500 a month, which would be immediately and indefinitely suspended when his Islamic knowledge or actions were questioned, and bring on silent treatment and repeated threats of divorce. Having a practicing Muslim mate who would not physically abuse her was a relief for Halima.
Last, let us hear from Ruqayah, an older sister, whose financial independence and thirst for Islam led her to a secret marriage in which she would be the sole provider. Agreeing to pay for all the family expenses, her husband was free to use his own six-figure income to pay child support and alimony for his children and ex-wife, travel for dawah purposes all over the globe, and help the less fortunate in the community. This, he promised, would pave her way to paradise.
Now think of Patty, Halima, and Ruqayah as co-wives in a polygamous marriage.
The brother, praised for his involvement in the community, charitable acts, and Islamic character, is instead using Islam as a façade to prey on vulnerable sisters who are ignorant of the true teachings of Islam. The sisters who are victims of oppressive marriages like the ones described above, are generally reverts, divorcees with children, who are financially well-off or dependent on public assistance. Without having Muslim relatives to object to, or be suspicious of, the secrecy and oppressive tendencies involved, sisters are left unprotected and alone.
Due to the lack of Islamic knowledge, sisters like Patty, Halima, and Ruqayyah commonly fall into a cult mentality situation with their co-wives, where manipulation and isolation swiftly become the norm. First, Islamic sources are censored, such that sisters only have access to twisted teachings of Islam aligned with the personal agenda of the brother. His imposed restrictions are attributed to the overwhelming amount of corrupted books, websites, and audio lecture made available by the “kuffar”. Ties to the community are often severed, as women’s best place is in the house. Thus, sisters are allowed to leave the house to earn a living, but prohibited from attending the mosque for educational or social events to prevent lewdness in the community, and society at large. After all, the brother uses the hadith of the prophet (saw) about more women being in the hellfire than men to support his theory on their evil nature and tendency to sin .
The brother’s condescending attitude is mistakenly supported by his Allah-given role as the leader and head of the household. To question or challenge the teachings or actions of the “cult leader” are discouraged, by citing ignorance or rebellion, so that critical thinking and rational judgment can be truncated. Oftentimes, co-wives will unknowingly encourage each other into blind following, or take the husband’s side unequivocally against each other to feed his ego and favoritism. The pressure from within and inability of sisters to make a rational decision, leads these women to accept, individually, or as a group, to engage in a variety of un-Islamic behaviors to fulfill their role as wives.
Further, psychological dependency is fostered through subtle intimidation, with the husband continuously diminishing the sisters’ Islamic actions due to their lack of knowledge. Thus, her prayers are never good enough, her understanding of Islam is always faulty, and her actions are never approved of. Being a revert, she cannot possibly know more Islam than him. Low self-esteem and self-worth grow deep roots in these types of marriages, especially for sisters who have been victimized in previous relationships. Recently, a sister confided that she thought it was more likely for her than for her husband to face day to day inconveniences, since he was “closer to Allah” than her.
Since the brother is seemingly an Allah-fearing individual who adheres to all visible Islamic practices, sisters begin to develop an elitist attitude as well, idolizing their “pious” husband, and forming camaraderie with each other as a shield to being “influenced” by other sisters who might notice the brainwashing attitudes taking hold. Co-wives help each other in mitigating their doubts as to the husband’s “religiosity”, by dismissing them as unfounded.
Like with any cult, breaking the silence is a challenging undertaking that must come from within.
As Muslims, we have a responsibility to help the oppressed and oppressor in whatever capacity imaginable. We must begin by admitting this problem exists within our communities, and learning to recognize it. Marriage in Islam is a sacred contract that requires witnesses, and that is to be made public to prevent false accusations and misunderstandings from taking place.
Further, our religious leaders and imams need to take a strong stand against Muslim brothers who violate the sanctity of this contract and who transgress Allah’s commands by marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret serial manner to satisfy their nafs. Classes for reverts must be established in the masajid across America, so that new comers to the deen are correctly taught the basics of worship, and their rights and obligations in marriage. Sisters who don’t have Muslim family members must be appointed a guardian, who clearly understands the responsibility and importance of his role, so he can safeguard her rights, protect her dignity, and be able to fulfill his duty without crossing the boundaries Allah has established for him. Brothers in the community must also be cautious of, knowingly or unknowingly, protecting their fellow brothers who might be committing wrongdoing. The prophet (saw) set a perfect example on this regard, when admonishing a woman companion not to consider a suitor for marriage based on his wife-beating tendencies . Reverts must educate themselves and understand Islam is a perfect way of life that is practiced by imperfect human beings.
Ultimately, Muslims have a responsibility to seek knowledge, worship Allah, and stand for justice, even if it be against themselves or members of their own family, as Allah has stated in the Qur’an .
In the last decade, great efforts have been vested into addressing some of the social evils affecting the Muslim community, but few, if any, have been the attempts to break the silence on secret serial marriages. Unfortunately, there is a growing trend in the community where respectable, well-known brothers who are praised for their Islamic knowledge, character and appearance, marry and divorce sisters in a secret, serial manner. More often than not, these marriages last short of a year, are kept secret from the community, and involve multiple wives in a polygamous marriage. You might ask yourself, how can these secret marriages even take place? Please read on.
First, let us hear from Patty, who met her husband-to-be on a train. As a single mother traveling with a child, she was overcome by the attention and kindness of the Muslim gentleman who approached them while traveling. After exchanging contact information, the man promised to visit at a later date, to talk about Islam and its beauty on the grounds of doing dawah. Shortly after his visit, an intimate relationship developed between Patty and the brother. To make up for “their” wrongdoing, he proposed a secret marriage, to be sustained by infrequent monthly visits and no financial support. Being introduced to Islam through “the back door” was nothing compared to the distorted teachings of Islam that followed. As a new Muslimah, Patty rejoiced in having found Allah and the blessings of this deen, while drowning on the contradictions between Islam, her husband’s teachings, and his actions.
Next, meet Halima, a mother of three and a survivor of an abusive relationship. A highly respected brother from the community assisted her in getting a khula from her abusive husband, through her divulging the most intimate details of the abuse she experienced. Through insistent phone calls to “check on her well-being”, Halima’s vulnerability during her iddah gave way to a proposed secret marriage; secret, for fear of the authorities since she was to be a third wife. She agreed to a one-night a week arrangement to accommodate his regular participation in congregational prayers and active involvement in helping the needy after work hours. The monthly allowance was set to a mere $500 a month, which would be immediately and indefinitely suspended when his Islamic knowledge or actions were questioned, and bring on silent treatment and repeated threats of divorce. Having a practicing Muslim mate who would not physically abuse her was a relief for Halima.
Last, let us hear from Ruqayah, an older sister, whose financial independence and thirst for Islam led her to a secret marriage in which she would be the sole provider. Agreeing to pay for all the family expenses, her husband was free to use his own six-figure income to pay child support and alimony for his children and ex-wife, travel for dawah purposes all over the globe, and help the less fortunate in the community. This, he promised, would pave her way to paradise.
Now think of Patty, Halima, and Ruqayah as co-wives in a polygamous marriage.
The brother, praised for his involvement in the community, charitable acts, and Islamic character, is instead using Islam as a façade to prey on vulnerable sisters who are ignorant of the true teachings of Islam. The sisters who are victims of oppressive marriages like the ones described above, are generally reverts, divorcees with children, who are financially well-off or dependent on public assistance. Without having Muslim relatives to object to, or be suspicious of, the secrecy and oppressive tendencies involved, sisters are left unprotected and alone.
Due to the lack of Islamic knowledge, sisters like Patty, Halima, and Ruqayyah commonly fall into a cult mentality situation with their co-wives, where manipulation and isolation swiftly become the norm. First, Islamic sources are censored, such that sisters only have access to twisted teachings of Islam aligned with the personal agenda of the brother. His imposed restrictions are attributed to the overwhelming amount of corrupted books, websites, and audio lecture made available by the “kuffar”. Ties to the community are often severed, as women’s best place is in the house. Thus, sisters are allowed to leave the house to earn a living, but prohibited from attending the mosque for educational or social events to prevent lewdness in the community, and society at large. After all, the brother uses the hadith of the prophet (saw) about more women being in the hellfire than men to support his theory on their evil nature and tendency to sin .
The brother’s condescending attitude is mistakenly supported by his Allah-given role as the leader and head of the household. To question or challenge the teachings or actions of the “cult leader” are discouraged, by citing ignorance or rebellion, so that critical thinking and rational judgment can be truncated. Oftentimes, co-wives will unknowingly encourage each other into blind following, or take the husband’s side unequivocally against each other to feed his ego and favoritism. The pressure from within and inability of sisters to make a rational decision, leads these women to accept, individually, or as a group, to engage in a variety of un-Islamic behaviors to fulfill their role as wives.
Further, psychological dependency is fostered through subtle intimidation, with the husband continuously diminishing the sisters’ Islamic actions due to their lack of knowledge. Thus, her prayers are never good enough, her understanding of Islam is always faulty, and her actions are never approved of. Being a revert, she cannot possibly know more Islam than him. Low self-esteem and self-worth grow deep roots in these types of marriages, especially for sisters who have been victimized in previous relationships. Recently, a sister confided that she thought it was more likely for her than for her husband to face day to day inconveniences, since he was “closer to Allah” than her.
Since the brother is seemingly an Allah-fearing individual who adheres to all visible Islamic practices, sisters begin to develop an elitist attitude as well, idolizing their “pious” husband, and forming camaraderie with each other as a shield to being “influenced” by other sisters who might notice the brainwashing attitudes taking hold. Co-wives help each other in mitigating their doubts as to the husband’s “religiosity”, by dismissing them as unfounded.
Like with any cult, breaking the silence is a challenging undertaking that must come from within.
As Muslims, we have a responsibility to help the oppressed and oppressor in whatever capacity imaginable. We must begin by admitting this problem exists within our communities, and learning to recognize it. Marriage in Islam is a sacred contract that requires witnesses, and that is to be made public to prevent false accusations and misunderstandings from taking place.
Further, our religious leaders and imams need to take a strong stand against Muslim brothers who violate the sanctity of this contract and who transgress Allah’s commands by marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret serial manner to satisfy their nafs. Classes for reverts must be established in the masajid across America, so that new comers to the deen are correctly taught the basics of worship, and their rights and obligations in marriage. Sisters who don’t have Muslim family members must be appointed a guardian, who clearly understands the responsibility and importance of his role, so he can safeguard her rights, protect her dignity, and be able to fulfill his duty without crossing the boundaries Allah has established for him. Brothers in the community must also be cautious of, knowingly or unknowingly, protecting their fellow brothers who might be committing wrongdoing. The prophet (saw) set a perfect example on this regard, when admonishing a woman companion not to consider a suitor for marriage based on his wife-beating tendencies . Reverts must educate themselves and understand Islam is a perfect way of life that is practiced by imperfect human beings.
Ultimately, Muslims have a responsibility to seek knowledge, worship Allah, and stand for justice, even if it be against themselves or members of their own family, as Allah has stated in the Qur’an .
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Reflections
As a woman, a mother and a human being I am appalled by how this society is allowing crimes against children to flourish. It’s not only the abounding child pornography accessible through the Internet. It’s not only the legal system and its lenient laws, verdicts and penalties for inhumane criminals that steal, abuse, beat, rape, and murder children. It’s not even the heart-gripping and graphic news that are broadcast on every TV station and the effect these have on copy-cat psychopaths. Whatever is driving these nefarious individuals to abduct children and take away their innocence and their lives must be eliminated from our society. “A nation under one God.” Whether we chose to pledge allegiance to God or not, it matters not. He is overseeing the despiteful acts committed against His pure and undefiled creatures, and He is a God of Justice. So as we prevail on a war against terrorism overseas, we must ponder on the “terror” each parent feels to have his/her children kidnapped. Public safety is an illusion we can no longer conceive as children are been snatched even from their own homes. Thus we must exercise every precaution imaginable to protect our younger ones. We must pray for them and watch over them, as it’s our duty. And we must comfort those who have suffered great losses. They must find solace in the fact that all children are born in a state of submission to God and when they die in this natural, sinless state, they will inherit heaven in the afterlife. All children who die before reaching the age of maturity will be in the company of Abraham (peace be upon him), the father of all Abrahamic religions. Thus, whether you are a Jew, a Christian, or a Muslim, you must know that when your children die, naturally or in a dramatic form, you have not to worry about their suffering but find peace in the great destiny that awaits them.
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