From the beginning of time women have been unequivocally blessed with the ability to share in the creation of the human race, and have been revered through the tremendous responsibility of carrying life within their wombs. Witnessing how life grows within, and nurturing that life from the time of conception on, presents women with a spiritual experience that intrinsically ties her to the divine. Indeed, it is through motherhood that women are elevated in rank above men in the saying of the prophet (saw):
“A man came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father.”
Motherhood in Islam is presented as the ultimate ideal for women, a role so great that makes paradise itself lie at her feet. A picture of perfection is painted for the Muslim woman on the beauty of having, raising, and taking care of children, framed with the unquestionable duty to increase the numbers of our ummah, and signed with the unspoken brushstroke statement: “if you do not become a mother, then you are a failure.”
Perhaps this is how, traditionally, Islamic culture and society have imposed on women the “religious” and human obligation to procreate, earnestly pushing for sisters to conceive right after marriage. Thus, it is not uncommon to have all female relatives and neighbors inquire as to one’s pregnancy status, a week or so after the wedding night. In some cases, the expectations can be so taxing, especially for older sisters whose biological clocks are ticking fast, that conversations on parenthood, parenting, or contraception are usually unheard of amongst the newlywed.
Therefore, it is no surprise, that when women finally figure out the painful, challenging, and outright draining side of motherhood, the choice to have or not have children is no longer theirs. It seems as if in the blink of an eye, many sisters suddenly find themselves with little Ahmad, Fatima, and Yusuf (and baby Maryam on the way), before they can consciously take a step back and analyze what motherhood really entails.
Allah, All-Mighty is He, says in the Qur’an:
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward.” 64:15
All too often, when confronted with the realities of childbirth and childrearing, and the never-ending sacrifices one must make to meet children’s needs before one’s own, sisters are cornered with the unsupported argument that choosing not to have children is prohibited in Islam. Yet Allah says in the Qur’an we were put on this Earth to worship Him, and His worship can be carried out in various forms. There are several examples throughout Islamic history, where Muslim women and men never married or had children (by fate or choice, Allah knows best), and lived a life of scholarship dedicated to the advancement of Islamic knowledge and propagation of our deen.
No doubt motherhood can earn women an elevated status in Islam, but entering into it without full disclosure of its headaches and heartaches, can sometimes be detrimental to the spiritual growth, and well being of some women, their families, and ergo, of society at large. For some Muslim women, motherhood not only translates into never pursuing an education, a career, or any of her dreams, but it also robs them from the love and companionship of their spouses. This is especially true in Western countries, where the extended family structure is virtually non-existent, and children are solely under the care of the mother and father. For couples who are blessed to experience marriage before children, arrival of too many bundles of joy can unfortunately turn into never-ending babysitting conflicts and parenting disputes, possibly leading to divorce and custody fights.
Furthermore, choosing not to become a mother is in itself an inner battle that has been extensively researched by the modern woman, and timelessly thought about by women for millennia. It is a dilemma over which women agonize, due to its biological limits, and binding implications on femininity and one life’s purpose, as stated in the book by psychoanalyst Jeanne Safer, “Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a life without children.”
Ultimately though, Muslim women should be allowed the freedom to have a life with or without children. They should be given the choice, since it is their life.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Professional Muslimah: Dressed for Success?
Listening to the weather forecast on my way to work, I pondered on the challenges the professional Muslimah faces when dressing appropriately for work. Whether it is finding modest clothing that suit her workplace, or finding an outfit that complies with safety requirements for risky jobs, we are often haunted by making the right dress choices that will enable us to get the job done while climbing the corporate ladder.
Thus it is not uncommon to find sisters in black-stripe suits and a matching scarf, or in long-sleeves tunics and slacks. After all, dressing modestly is part of corporate America's dress code. The challenge arises as the temperature rises, when some women trade their professional clothing for revealing, inappropriate outfits. No sooner does the sun shine and temperatures hit the 80's, than some career women switch their pants for mini-skirts, their button-down blouses for v-neck shirts, and their casual shoes for sandals. Business attire double standards are further reinforced when men continue to uphold the dress code while their female counterparts disregard the often unwritten policies on appropriate workplace fashion.
Women for Hire, a leading provider of career advancement services for professional women nationwide, has excellent advice on how women can dress professionally and stay cool. Their site offers classical tips on the Dos and Don'ts of proper business attire. "Avoid ultra-short skirts, low-cut necklines, super-high heels, too-tight clothes, and anything bordering on too sexy". This is common sense to some, and dogma to others, who rather show up to work as if vacationing at Disney World or auditioning for The Bachelor.
Add to the mix the recurring publicity and lawsuit filing by Muslim women who are discrimated against at the workplace, and strict sexual harrassment laws, and you've got yourself an everlasting recipe for frenemies. Thus, when your supervisor bends down to pick up that pen and you are disgusted by her red thong showing, or when your colleague's cleavage is all over her keyboard and sometimes yours, Muslim women are torn between keeping silent or reporting it to HR, for fear of being accused of "jealousy".
Moreover, wearing hijab in the workplace comes with the perception by peers and superiors that our professionalim is skewed by our docility. Not only are we less likely to come across as strong leaders and managers but also less likely to appear dead-set on that promotion we've been striving towards. The lack of sensitivity training to address cultural differences further robs professional Muslim women from their entitled assertiveness, gained through hard work and an impecable work ethic.
In reality, most companies deliverate between establishing a strict dress code or having an unspoken expectation on what is acceptable workplace attire and what isn't. It is only when dress code can affect the business that upper management takes the necessary action to prevent a sexual harasment lawsuit or a dreaded customer's comment on the attire of the firm's employees.
To be continued...
Thus it is not uncommon to find sisters in black-stripe suits and a matching scarf, or in long-sleeves tunics and slacks. After all, dressing modestly is part of corporate America's dress code. The challenge arises as the temperature rises, when some women trade their professional clothing for revealing, inappropriate outfits. No sooner does the sun shine and temperatures hit the 80's, than some career women switch their pants for mini-skirts, their button-down blouses for v-neck shirts, and their casual shoes for sandals. Business attire double standards are further reinforced when men continue to uphold the dress code while their female counterparts disregard the often unwritten policies on appropriate workplace fashion.
Women for Hire, a leading provider of career advancement services for professional women nationwide, has excellent advice on how women can dress professionally and stay cool. Their site offers classical tips on the Dos and Don'ts of proper business attire. "Avoid ultra-short skirts, low-cut necklines, super-high heels, too-tight clothes, and anything bordering on too sexy". This is common sense to some, and dogma to others, who rather show up to work as if vacationing at Disney World or auditioning for The Bachelor.
Add to the mix the recurring publicity and lawsuit filing by Muslim women who are discrimated against at the workplace, and strict sexual harrassment laws, and you've got yourself an everlasting recipe for frenemies. Thus, when your supervisor bends down to pick up that pen and you are disgusted by her red thong showing, or when your colleague's cleavage is all over her keyboard and sometimes yours, Muslim women are torn between keeping silent or reporting it to HR, for fear of being accused of "jealousy".
Moreover, wearing hijab in the workplace comes with the perception by peers and superiors that our professionalim is skewed by our docility. Not only are we less likely to come across as strong leaders and managers but also less likely to appear dead-set on that promotion we've been striving towards. The lack of sensitivity training to address cultural differences further robs professional Muslim women from their entitled assertiveness, gained through hard work and an impecable work ethic.
In reality, most companies deliverate between establishing a strict dress code or having an unspoken expectation on what is acceptable workplace attire and what isn't. It is only when dress code can affect the business that upper management takes the necessary action to prevent a sexual harasment lawsuit or a dreaded customer's comment on the attire of the firm's employees.
To be continued...
Monday, March 8, 2010
Not with(out) my daughter!
Not with(out) my daughter!
Allah, Glorious is He, has elevated Muslim women by giving them rights that allow them to live a creative, balanced life filled with the joys of motherhood and family, an education and a career, financial independence and thriving spirituality, and an unconditional pass for the pursuit of fulfillment in this world and the next. Unfortunately, the reality of many Muslimat is that they are plagued by societal and cultural norms and expectations, and even erroneous religious interpretations, which cripple them into living mediocre, less than gratifying lives. Evolving from the times of our scholarly mother Aisha (ra) or fearless fighter Umm Amarah (ra), being a good, ideal Muslimah in our times has come to equate to knowing how to cook a delicious meal, keep our house spic-span clean, and bear innumerable children, all while memorizing the entire Qur’an and looking like a beauty queen from a Spanish soap opera when the husband comes home from work.
Call me cynical, but after reading an email entitled “Ten things to hand down to your Muslim daughter”, I am disillusioned (outraged, actually) by the limited scope of irreplaceable and enduring life skills I am supposed to equip my young daughter with to make it in this world. Let us take a closer look at some of these “wisdom” tidbits:
Favorite recipes: Those who know of my near-anaphylactic reaction to recipe talks and my motto of “trade your wooden spoons for books”™, understand why I picked this to be at the top of my list. Without reservations, I bow in respect to those sisters who are innate experts of the culinary arts, who love to spend hours amidst aromatic spices to create magical meals that feed their families and the entire community at times. However, Muslim daughters in the West, are nowadays more likely to have dreams and goals to pursue outside the home, for which they will need to compromise a long drawn 4-hour affair with kousa mashi (stuffed zucchini) or gobi machurian for a 30-minute quick meal that is still healthy and savory, that allows her to pick up the children after work, and get them to karate lessons.
Housekeeping skills: Cleanliness is, first and foremost, part of Islam and as such, taught to our “children” (not only our daughters) through upbringing and high standards of personal hygiene. Agreed that keeping “a neat and tidy home” fosters a harmonious, peaceful environment in which all Muslims (and humans) thrive. However, our legacy to our daughters can certainly consist of something more substantial than knowing how to vacuum, do dishes, and dust. It’s not rocket science after all!
Traditional skills (such as gardening, painting or knitting because they are “being lost in today’s fast-paced world”): No doubt that artistic and soulful pastimes such as knitting are being replaced by video games and Facebook. No doubt that knowing how to sew a button or plant a garden can come in handy. My objection is that these “traditional” skills are just that: “traditional”, in the gender-sense of the word. The assuming expectation that our daughters will need these skills while our sons won’t is disturbing. After all, Prophet Muhammad (saw), Allah’s beloved, knew how to (and usually did) mend his own clothes and carry out many household chores.
Personally, I believe our daughters would find greater benefit in life-long lessons that bear an understanding of the generational gap that separate us, and future struggles they might face. Knowing how to cook, clean, and sew are all-important tasks, but so are how to apply for college, use an IPhone, or drive a car. Furthermore, instilling in our daughters the concept of self-actualization, the skills of critical thinking, and the know-how of being assertive can go a long way in building their self-esteem, and making them terrific daughters, mothers, sisters and wives.
Indeed one of the best lessons we can pass down to our daughters, is the ayah where Allah makes no gender distinction, which was revealed to Prophet Muhammad (saw) when Umm Amarah (ra) approached him about women being mentioned in Qur’an:
Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender,
And men who believe and women who believe,
And men who obey and women who obey,
And men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth,
And men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere,
And men who are humble and women who are humble,
And men who give alms and women who give alms,
And men who fast and women who fast,
And men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty),
And men who remember Allah much and women who remember--
Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. (Qur’an, 33:35)
I'd be curious to see what's in the "Ten things to hand down to your Muslim son" list.
Allah, Glorious is He, has elevated Muslim women by giving them rights that allow them to live a creative, balanced life filled with the joys of motherhood and family, an education and a career, financial independence and thriving spirituality, and an unconditional pass for the pursuit of fulfillment in this world and the next. Unfortunately, the reality of many Muslimat is that they are plagued by societal and cultural norms and expectations, and even erroneous religious interpretations, which cripple them into living mediocre, less than gratifying lives. Evolving from the times of our scholarly mother Aisha (ra) or fearless fighter Umm Amarah (ra), being a good, ideal Muslimah in our times has come to equate to knowing how to cook a delicious meal, keep our house spic-span clean, and bear innumerable children, all while memorizing the entire Qur’an and looking like a beauty queen from a Spanish soap opera when the husband comes home from work.
Call me cynical, but after reading an email entitled “Ten things to hand down to your Muslim daughter”, I am disillusioned (outraged, actually) by the limited scope of irreplaceable and enduring life skills I am supposed to equip my young daughter with to make it in this world. Let us take a closer look at some of these “wisdom” tidbits:
Favorite recipes: Those who know of my near-anaphylactic reaction to recipe talks and my motto of “trade your wooden spoons for books”™, understand why I picked this to be at the top of my list. Without reservations, I bow in respect to those sisters who are innate experts of the culinary arts, who love to spend hours amidst aromatic spices to create magical meals that feed their families and the entire community at times. However, Muslim daughters in the West, are nowadays more likely to have dreams and goals to pursue outside the home, for which they will need to compromise a long drawn 4-hour affair with kousa mashi (stuffed zucchini) or gobi machurian for a 30-minute quick meal that is still healthy and savory, that allows her to pick up the children after work, and get them to karate lessons.
Housekeeping skills: Cleanliness is, first and foremost, part of Islam and as such, taught to our “children” (not only our daughters) through upbringing and high standards of personal hygiene. Agreed that keeping “a neat and tidy home” fosters a harmonious, peaceful environment in which all Muslims (and humans) thrive. However, our legacy to our daughters can certainly consist of something more substantial than knowing how to vacuum, do dishes, and dust. It’s not rocket science after all!
Traditional skills (such as gardening, painting or knitting because they are “being lost in today’s fast-paced world”): No doubt that artistic and soulful pastimes such as knitting are being replaced by video games and Facebook. No doubt that knowing how to sew a button or plant a garden can come in handy. My objection is that these “traditional” skills are just that: “traditional”, in the gender-sense of the word. The assuming expectation that our daughters will need these skills while our sons won’t is disturbing. After all, Prophet Muhammad (saw), Allah’s beloved, knew how to (and usually did) mend his own clothes and carry out many household chores.
Personally, I believe our daughters would find greater benefit in life-long lessons that bear an understanding of the generational gap that separate us, and future struggles they might face. Knowing how to cook, clean, and sew are all-important tasks, but so are how to apply for college, use an IPhone, or drive a car. Furthermore, instilling in our daughters the concept of self-actualization, the skills of critical thinking, and the know-how of being assertive can go a long way in building their self-esteem, and making them terrific daughters, mothers, sisters and wives.
Indeed one of the best lessons we can pass down to our daughters, is the ayah where Allah makes no gender distinction, which was revealed to Prophet Muhammad (saw) when Umm Amarah (ra) approached him about women being mentioned in Qur’an:
Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender,
And men who believe and women who believe,
And men who obey and women who obey,
And men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth,
And men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere,
And men who are humble and women who are humble,
And men who give alms and women who give alms,
And men who fast and women who fast,
And men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty),
And men who remember Allah much and women who remember--
Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. (Qur’an, 33:35)
I'd be curious to see what's in the "Ten things to hand down to your Muslim son" list.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Corrupt Scholars - Part 2: Following the nations before us?
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, in the hadith narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (ra): “You will certainly follow the ways of those who came before you, span by span, cubit by cubit, until even if they were to enter a lizard’s hole, you would follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allah, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “ Who else?!”
In 2002, the Catholic Church witnessed one of the worse sex scandals seen in decades, when high-ranking members of the Church, including one of the Cardinals appointed by the Pope, were found to be guilty of covering up for religious leaders accused of sexual abuse. Cardinal Bernard Law, along with other bishops of the Boston Archdiocese, allegedly reassigned priests known to have committed sexual abuse from parish to parish for years, secretly conjuring settlements and paying off victims for their silence. Discovery of decade-old records revealing unanswered complaints and allegations of sexual abuse by Church officials, led to the deposition of several bishops and the resignation of Cardinal Law.
In the West, the average Muslim lives Islam without any of the hierarchy and governing bodies present in the Catholic Church. Our religious leaders or imams are generally religious scholars “hired” by a Board of Directors or the mosque’s owner, to teach, lead the prayer, and keep the community involved, and united, through regular classes and family potlucks. When strong allegations of sexual abuse are raised against a Muslim religious scholar (and are kept outside the legal system), he is often asked to resign as a means to kill the “fitna”, and made to leave the community hush-hush. Unfortunately, his resignation warranties only one thing: a new imam’s position elsewhere. This is because religious leaders nowadays are “on-demand”; just look through any of the major Islamic publications in the US and see for yourself.
Due to the condemnation faced by community members when they resort to the “kuffar” system to prosecute sexual predators who happen to be Muslim scholars and “the face of the community”, many Muslims do not speak up, let alone press charges, against these men. Shamefully, our communities encourage the same secrecy and deception that kept priests going from parish to parish committing abominable acts, which results in corrupt scholars having the freedom to move about “unnoticed” from state to state, mosque to mosque, perpetuating their deviant behaviors and leaving a trail of abused sisters, or worse yet -children, in their wake.
A few years ago, a religious scholar teaching at an Islamic school sexually molested a student. The family did not press charges to protect the privacy of the child and his chances of being married upon reaching adulthood. The school’s board asked the scholar to resign. Given his highly sought-out credentials (hafiz of Qur’an, Ph.D. in Islamic Studies, command of the English language, etc), he was soon offered a position at another Islamic school in a different state. Sadly, when the latter school contacted the former to ask for a reference, the administrative staff felt it was their duty to protect the scholar’s honor by covering his faults. They simply commented on his teaching skills and ability to engage students in class. The brother got the position, and a year later, was charged for sexually molesting another child at the new school.
Unfortunately, the reverence that some Muslims feel towards the scholars of the ummah can be a strong deterrent in fulfilling our obligation to forbid evil. Anas ibn Malik (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) was asked: “‘O Messenger of Allah, (what will happen) when we stop enjoining good and forbidding evil?’ He said: ‘When what happened to the Israelites happens among you: when fornication becomes widespread among your leaders, knowledge is in the hands of the lowest of you, and power passes into the hands of the least of you.’”
Muslims must recognize that although religious scholars are to be honored and respected for the knowledge they have been entrusted with, they are not infallible nor above the law. It is not enough for scholars to learn and teach Qur’an: they must live by it, for actions speak louder than words. Our communities need to hold their religious scholars accountable for their transgressions, instead of indifferently turning a blind eye and deaf ear to grave allegations against such scholars, for fear of temporarily leaving the mosque without leadership or religious guidance.
The Prophet (saw) said: “The night I was carried to heaven, I passed by several people whose lips were being cut off with scissors of fire. On asking them who they were, they replied: ‘We were learned men who were wont to enjoin good but do it not, and forbid evil but commit it ourselves.’”
Indeed, Muslim scholars must bear the responsibility of the knowledge they possess and impart. No doubt, our scholars are human beings with imperfections who are bound to sin. Yet Allah (swt) has made it clear in the Qur’an that not equal are the ones that know and the ones that do not know. To sin in ignorance is one thing, but to abuse scholarship and authority to intentionally transgress Allah’s bounds, harming others in the process, is a totally different one. Muslims must not hesitate to apply the full extent of the law on corrupt scholars known for their excesses, be it shari’ah or secular. Silence should not be an option.
In 2002, the Catholic Church witnessed one of the worse sex scandals seen in decades, when high-ranking members of the Church, including one of the Cardinals appointed by the Pope, were found to be guilty of covering up for religious leaders accused of sexual abuse. Cardinal Bernard Law, along with other bishops of the Boston Archdiocese, allegedly reassigned priests known to have committed sexual abuse from parish to parish for years, secretly conjuring settlements and paying off victims for their silence. Discovery of decade-old records revealing unanswered complaints and allegations of sexual abuse by Church officials, led to the deposition of several bishops and the resignation of Cardinal Law.
In the West, the average Muslim lives Islam without any of the hierarchy and governing bodies present in the Catholic Church. Our religious leaders or imams are generally religious scholars “hired” by a Board of Directors or the mosque’s owner, to teach, lead the prayer, and keep the community involved, and united, through regular classes and family potlucks. When strong allegations of sexual abuse are raised against a Muslim religious scholar (and are kept outside the legal system), he is often asked to resign as a means to kill the “fitna”, and made to leave the community hush-hush. Unfortunately, his resignation warranties only one thing: a new imam’s position elsewhere. This is because religious leaders nowadays are “on-demand”; just look through any of the major Islamic publications in the US and see for yourself.
Due to the condemnation faced by community members when they resort to the “kuffar” system to prosecute sexual predators who happen to be Muslim scholars and “the face of the community”, many Muslims do not speak up, let alone press charges, against these men. Shamefully, our communities encourage the same secrecy and deception that kept priests going from parish to parish committing abominable acts, which results in corrupt scholars having the freedom to move about “unnoticed” from state to state, mosque to mosque, perpetuating their deviant behaviors and leaving a trail of abused sisters, or worse yet -children, in their wake.
A few years ago, a religious scholar teaching at an Islamic school sexually molested a student. The family did not press charges to protect the privacy of the child and his chances of being married upon reaching adulthood. The school’s board asked the scholar to resign. Given his highly sought-out credentials (hafiz of Qur’an, Ph.D. in Islamic Studies, command of the English language, etc), he was soon offered a position at another Islamic school in a different state. Sadly, when the latter school contacted the former to ask for a reference, the administrative staff felt it was their duty to protect the scholar’s honor by covering his faults. They simply commented on his teaching skills and ability to engage students in class. The brother got the position, and a year later, was charged for sexually molesting another child at the new school.
Unfortunately, the reverence that some Muslims feel towards the scholars of the ummah can be a strong deterrent in fulfilling our obligation to forbid evil. Anas ibn Malik (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) was asked: “‘O Messenger of Allah, (what will happen) when we stop enjoining good and forbidding evil?’ He said: ‘When what happened to the Israelites happens among you: when fornication becomes widespread among your leaders, knowledge is in the hands of the lowest of you, and power passes into the hands of the least of you.’”
Muslims must recognize that although religious scholars are to be honored and respected for the knowledge they have been entrusted with, they are not infallible nor above the law. It is not enough for scholars to learn and teach Qur’an: they must live by it, for actions speak louder than words. Our communities need to hold their religious scholars accountable for their transgressions, instead of indifferently turning a blind eye and deaf ear to grave allegations against such scholars, for fear of temporarily leaving the mosque without leadership or religious guidance.
The Prophet (saw) said: “The night I was carried to heaven, I passed by several people whose lips were being cut off with scissors of fire. On asking them who they were, they replied: ‘We were learned men who were wont to enjoin good but do it not, and forbid evil but commit it ourselves.’”
Indeed, Muslim scholars must bear the responsibility of the knowledge they possess and impart. No doubt, our scholars are human beings with imperfections who are bound to sin. Yet Allah (swt) has made it clear in the Qur’an that not equal are the ones that know and the ones that do not know. To sin in ignorance is one thing, but to abuse scholarship and authority to intentionally transgress Allah’s bounds, harming others in the process, is a totally different one. Muslims must not hesitate to apply the full extent of the law on corrupt scholars known for their excesses, be it shari’ah or secular. Silence should not be an option.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Corrupt Scholars - Part 1: Entitled to Diplomatic Impunity?
Muslims throughout the world are fierce in their love and respect of Muslim religious scholars, whom Allah (swt) and His beloved prophet Muhammad (saw) have so strongly praised in the Qur’an and ahadith. Endless are the narrations on the excellence of those who seek knowledge and teach it, those who memorize and recite our sacred scripture, and those who sacrifice their lives in the pursuit of knowledge.
In the hadith reported by Abu Darda (as), the prophet (saw) said:
"He who follows a path in quest of knowledge, Allah will make the path of Jannah easy to him. The angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. The inhabitants of the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depth of the oceans seek forgiveness for him. The superiority of the learned man over the devout worshipper is like that of the full moon to the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets who bequeath neither dinar nor dirham but only that of knowledge; and he who acquires it, has in fact acquired an abundant portion.''
As inheritors of the prophets, Muslim religious scholars form the backbone of our Ummah, and are indispensable for its existence. Yet Allah (swt) and His messenger (saw) have also warned us from those scholars who do not honor their knowledge through their actions, and are heedless of the responsibility that comes with acquiring it.
In the hadith narrated on the authority of Sulaiman b. Yasar, the prophet (saw) said of the first men whose case will be decided on the Day of Judgment:
“…Then will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur’an. He will be brought and Allah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then will Allah ask: What did you do (to requite these blessings)? He will say: I acquired knowledge and disseminated it and recited the Qur’an seeking Thy pleasure. Allah will say: You have told a lie. You acquired knowledge so that you might be called “a scholar,” and you recited the Qur’an so that it might be said: “He is a Qari” and such has been said. Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire.”
Although Muslims have been forewarned about such evil scholars who do not “walk the talk”, there is a strong culture of secrecy in our communities, where scholars are granted “diplomatic immunity” and seem to be above the law. In the West, our mosques’ grounds are like embassies, where scholars are allowed to abuse their scholarship and cross the line from piety into wrongdoing without accountability.
Let us take the example of sister Rayan. As a young sister in deen, she sought guidance and knowledge from the “sheikh” in her local mosque, after moving to Montana from Texas. Upholding impeccable Islamic manners, he assisted the sister in getting settled in the community, and offered to teach her to read Qur’an. As a charity and sacrifice “fi sabilillah” (for the sake of Allah), he eventually asked for her hand in marriage, as he saw in her great talents and potential which would benefit Islam. Using her literary skills, he promised she would assist him in compiling his academic works for dawah purposes, and even translate them to her native language. Thus, based on shady interpretations and weak narrations, he performed his own marriage ceremony to sister Rayan, with a close friend present as a witness. A week after the marriage was consummated sister Rayan found herself sexually abused and divorced. Two years later, sister Rayan met sister Umm Hatim, another divorcee of the “sheikh”.
When the sisters voiced the atrocities they experienced, and exposed the sheikh’s misbehavior to the community, they were immediately faced with strong opposition by his followers, who expressed anger at the outrageous accusations and sisters’ impudence.
“How dare you speak evil about the scholars of our Ummah?”
“You sisters are worse than the hypocrites who slandered our beloved prophet (saw)!”
“For your slander, you should receive 80 lashes!”
“Al hasan Bin Ali (ra) had married 83 women in a period of 25 years! To marry and divorce is not a sin.”
And so on.
Not once were the scholar’s actions questioned: only the sisters’ accusations were rebutted, their reputations ruined, and their accounts considered inadmissible without four witnesses based on shari’ah. What started off as “diplomatic immunity” turned to impunity, when his followers began a campaign to lobby for the sheikh’s righteousness. Despite the verse of the chapter entitled “The Women” that reads: “Allah does not like that evil be publicized except if one is wronged", sisters were coerced into silence through threats and intimidation.
Yet even in such unfathomable ordeals, there are important lessons to be learned.
In the hadith reported by Abu Darda (as), the prophet (saw) said:
"He who follows a path in quest of knowledge, Allah will make the path of Jannah easy to him. The angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. The inhabitants of the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depth of the oceans seek forgiveness for him. The superiority of the learned man over the devout worshipper is like that of the full moon to the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets who bequeath neither dinar nor dirham but only that of knowledge; and he who acquires it, has in fact acquired an abundant portion.''
As inheritors of the prophets, Muslim religious scholars form the backbone of our Ummah, and are indispensable for its existence. Yet Allah (swt) and His messenger (saw) have also warned us from those scholars who do not honor their knowledge through their actions, and are heedless of the responsibility that comes with acquiring it.
In the hadith narrated on the authority of Sulaiman b. Yasar, the prophet (saw) said of the first men whose case will be decided on the Day of Judgment:
“…Then will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur’an. He will be brought and Allah will make him recount His blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then will Allah ask: What did you do (to requite these blessings)? He will say: I acquired knowledge and disseminated it and recited the Qur’an seeking Thy pleasure. Allah will say: You have told a lie. You acquired knowledge so that you might be called “a scholar,” and you recited the Qur’an so that it might be said: “He is a Qari” and such has been said. Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire.”
Although Muslims have been forewarned about such evil scholars who do not “walk the talk”, there is a strong culture of secrecy in our communities, where scholars are granted “diplomatic immunity” and seem to be above the law. In the West, our mosques’ grounds are like embassies, where scholars are allowed to abuse their scholarship and cross the line from piety into wrongdoing without accountability.
Let us take the example of sister Rayan. As a young sister in deen, she sought guidance and knowledge from the “sheikh” in her local mosque, after moving to Montana from Texas. Upholding impeccable Islamic manners, he assisted the sister in getting settled in the community, and offered to teach her to read Qur’an. As a charity and sacrifice “fi sabilillah” (for the sake of Allah), he eventually asked for her hand in marriage, as he saw in her great talents and potential which would benefit Islam. Using her literary skills, he promised she would assist him in compiling his academic works for dawah purposes, and even translate them to her native language. Thus, based on shady interpretations and weak narrations, he performed his own marriage ceremony to sister Rayan, with a close friend present as a witness. A week after the marriage was consummated sister Rayan found herself sexually abused and divorced. Two years later, sister Rayan met sister Umm Hatim, another divorcee of the “sheikh”.
When the sisters voiced the atrocities they experienced, and exposed the sheikh’s misbehavior to the community, they were immediately faced with strong opposition by his followers, who expressed anger at the outrageous accusations and sisters’ impudence.
“How dare you speak evil about the scholars of our Ummah?”
“You sisters are worse than the hypocrites who slandered our beloved prophet (saw)!”
“For your slander, you should receive 80 lashes!”
“Al hasan Bin Ali (ra) had married 83 women in a period of 25 years! To marry and divorce is not a sin.”
And so on.
Not once were the scholar’s actions questioned: only the sisters’ accusations were rebutted, their reputations ruined, and their accounts considered inadmissible without four witnesses based on shari’ah. What started off as “diplomatic immunity” turned to impunity, when his followers began a campaign to lobby for the sheikh’s righteousness. Despite the verse of the chapter entitled “The Women” that reads: “Allah does not like that evil be publicized except if one is wronged", sisters were coerced into silence through threats and intimidation.
Yet even in such unfathomable ordeals, there are important lessons to be learned.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cult Mentality Revisited - Part 2
To further elucidate the complex nature of secret, serial polygynous marriages, and expound on the challenging, welcomed perspectives elicited by readers, let us begin by addressing the issue of the victims’ accountability.
Sisters such as Patty, Halima and Ruqayah are often blamed for getting themselves into messy situations without strongly considering that they are introduced to Islam through the “back door”, and are under the powerful influence of the men involved. Cult leaders, by definition, are expert manipulators, pathological liars, charming, and promiscuous. They entice, snarl, and seduce their victims through their apparent knowledge and practice of deen, impeccable modesty and observance of Islamic etiquettes, and abundant generosity. On the surface, these brothers possess all the qualities of someone who fears Allah and would make a good mate.
As a single, divorced sister traveling with a group, Ruqayah met her husband-to-be while being lost during her performance of Hajj. In a foreign country and disoriented, she was touched by the kindness of the respectable brother who offered to help her get back to her hotel. After the ordeal, contact information was exchanged and upon their return and many phone calls, he traveled to her country for dawah. Under this pretext, he visited her local masjid, was welcomed as a religious authority in it during his frequent visits, and eventually offered to marry her to complete “half her deen”. The marriage was secret: not in her community, but to those in the country and community he lived in, including his wives.
This leads us to the issue of sisters going behind sisters’ backs to marry their husbands. In Islam, polygyny does not require the permission of the wife, nor does it need to be justified by war, famine, natural disasters, or the like. As long as a Muslim man is God-fearing and just, he is free to marry a second, third, and fourth wife. Allah has stated in the Quran that women are given rights equal to the rights of men. Thus, Muslim women are free to marry to guard their chastity. However, the existent double standards make it acceptable and praiseworthy for a Muslim man to marry (or marry more than one wife) to guard his chastity, while when a Muslim sister marries for that reason only, she is considered lewd and desperate.
Moreover, cult leaders often have a strategic alliance that lends them great credibility and leverage: the “head” wife. She is generally as controlling and manipulative as the cult leader himself. The head wife is a powerful influencer, part of the abuse equation, and may even seek out the next victim herself. Although subjected to emotional, sexual, and/or religious abuse, the head wife idolizes her husband, is subservient to his every whim and desire, and sees pleasing him as her stairway to heaven. This is why legal records show the head wife is often prosecuted along with the cult leader for harm done to cult victims.
Breaking away from a cult can be as difficult, if not more, than breaking free from an abusive relationship. Contrary to various claims, victims of abuse might recognize the abuse and be unable to put an end to it. Law enforcement officers are most familiar with this phenomenon, when responding to domestic violence 911 calls at the same address time after time. Great efforts are currently being made within the Muslim community to raise the awareness on domestic abuse and its vicious cycles. The recognition that our community and religious leaders are in dire need of training is critical, so that 1) sisters who are being abused and approach the imams for help are not told to “go back and be patient”, and 2) brothers who are known to be abusive are held accountable for their actions.
Halima was able to break free from her cult, and exposed the brother in her locality for marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret, serial manner, abusing them, and even coercing them into unlawful, deviant sexual practices including threesomes with the head wife. When confronted with such a delicate and disturbing case, the community bowed down and failed Halima by excusing the brother from his wrongdoings simply by his making of an oath to Allah. Brothers involved in the case even asked the cult leader forgiveness for “backbiting him” while trying to discuss the case seeking resolution.
As long as the Muslim community is unable to socially condemn and hold brothers accountable for abusing sisters and the sanctity of marriage, secret serial marriages are bound to continue to occur. It is not enough for one community to take a stand and make the brother leave the community. In an age of advanced, instant communication, Muslims must use technology to their advantage to warn sisters from brothers known for their abusive tendencies, as it is the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw).
Sisters such as Patty, Halima and Ruqayah are often blamed for getting themselves into messy situations without strongly considering that they are introduced to Islam through the “back door”, and are under the powerful influence of the men involved. Cult leaders, by definition, are expert manipulators, pathological liars, charming, and promiscuous. They entice, snarl, and seduce their victims through their apparent knowledge and practice of deen, impeccable modesty and observance of Islamic etiquettes, and abundant generosity. On the surface, these brothers possess all the qualities of someone who fears Allah and would make a good mate.
As a single, divorced sister traveling with a group, Ruqayah met her husband-to-be while being lost during her performance of Hajj. In a foreign country and disoriented, she was touched by the kindness of the respectable brother who offered to help her get back to her hotel. After the ordeal, contact information was exchanged and upon their return and many phone calls, he traveled to her country for dawah. Under this pretext, he visited her local masjid, was welcomed as a religious authority in it during his frequent visits, and eventually offered to marry her to complete “half her deen”. The marriage was secret: not in her community, but to those in the country and community he lived in, including his wives.
This leads us to the issue of sisters going behind sisters’ backs to marry their husbands. In Islam, polygyny does not require the permission of the wife, nor does it need to be justified by war, famine, natural disasters, or the like. As long as a Muslim man is God-fearing and just, he is free to marry a second, third, and fourth wife. Allah has stated in the Quran that women are given rights equal to the rights of men. Thus, Muslim women are free to marry to guard their chastity. However, the existent double standards make it acceptable and praiseworthy for a Muslim man to marry (or marry more than one wife) to guard his chastity, while when a Muslim sister marries for that reason only, she is considered lewd and desperate.
Moreover, cult leaders often have a strategic alliance that lends them great credibility and leverage: the “head” wife. She is generally as controlling and manipulative as the cult leader himself. The head wife is a powerful influencer, part of the abuse equation, and may even seek out the next victim herself. Although subjected to emotional, sexual, and/or religious abuse, the head wife idolizes her husband, is subservient to his every whim and desire, and sees pleasing him as her stairway to heaven. This is why legal records show the head wife is often prosecuted along with the cult leader for harm done to cult victims.
Breaking away from a cult can be as difficult, if not more, than breaking free from an abusive relationship. Contrary to various claims, victims of abuse might recognize the abuse and be unable to put an end to it. Law enforcement officers are most familiar with this phenomenon, when responding to domestic violence 911 calls at the same address time after time. Great efforts are currently being made within the Muslim community to raise the awareness on domestic abuse and its vicious cycles. The recognition that our community and religious leaders are in dire need of training is critical, so that 1) sisters who are being abused and approach the imams for help are not told to “go back and be patient”, and 2) brothers who are known to be abusive are held accountable for their actions.
Halima was able to break free from her cult, and exposed the brother in her locality for marrying and divorcing sisters in a secret, serial manner, abusing them, and even coercing them into unlawful, deviant sexual practices including threesomes with the head wife. When confronted with such a delicate and disturbing case, the community bowed down and failed Halima by excusing the brother from his wrongdoings simply by his making of an oath to Allah. Brothers involved in the case even asked the cult leader forgiveness for “backbiting him” while trying to discuss the case seeking resolution.
As long as the Muslim community is unable to socially condemn and hold brothers accountable for abusing sisters and the sanctity of marriage, secret serial marriages are bound to continue to occur. It is not enough for one community to take a stand and make the brother leave the community. In an age of advanced, instant communication, Muslims must use technology to their advantage to warn sisters from brothers known for their abusive tendencies, as it is the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw).
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Forbidding Evil: Muslims "Cast the First Stone"
The majority of Muslims are familiar with the alleged Biblical story of Jesus (as) asking those free of sin “to cast the first stone” in their condemnation of an adulteress. Pericope Adulterae, as the story is typically referred to, is claimed by Biblical scholars to be attributed to the Bible even though its origins are not divine and is missing from the earlier scrolls of the sacred text. Based on the significance of the story and the fact that it does not contradict the noble character and teachings of Jesus (as), most Biblical scholars have agreed upon its inclusion in the later versions of the Bible.
In Pericope Adulterae, Jesus (as) is approached by a group of hypocrites, with stones in hand, to judge in the case of an adulteress. The woman, commonly referred to as “the prostitute”, is caught in the act and brought to Jesus (as) for judgment. Knowing their deceiving nature, Jesus (as) addresses the hypocrites by saying: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. Haunted by their conscience, the group of men retreat from the scene, leaving Jesus (as) and the woman alone. He then asks of her if there were any accusers who condemned her, and in their absence, he then tells her to “go on and sin no more” .
This story presents us with the human dilemma of judging others for their evil actions when we ourselves are guilty of sin. As Muslims, we are constantly deliberating between enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, as Allah (swt) commanded us in the Quran , and keeping our sins in front of us when judging others. All too often we encounter fellow Muslim brothers and sisters publicly transgressing Allah’s boundaries in our communities: the brother with the convenience store who sells liquor, the sister who is always backbiting other sisters, the brother who abuses his wife. In these situations, we ask ourselves: “Who am I to say anything? Isn’t it hypocritical to admonish them when I am not without sin?”
In Islam, we can approach this moral predicament through the hadith reported by Abu Said Al-Khudri (ra), where the Prophet (saw) said "Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is unable to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest form of Faith" . Muslims have an obligation to forbid evil in all cases or they run the risk of being cursed by Allah for not condemning it, as stated by Prophet Muhammad (saw) in his saying: “Nay, by Allah, you either enjoin good and forbid evil and catch hold of the hand of the oppressor and persuade him to act justly and stick to the truth, or Allah will involve the hearts of some of you with the hearts of others and will curse you as He had cursed them.”
Looking back at Pericope Adulterae, we find critics of the story questioning Jesus’ wisdom in not punishing the adulteress. It is often argued that Jesus (as) understood the hypocrites’ approach to be a test of his knowledge and adherence to the Mosaic Law. Then there is the issue of double standards, in that only the adulteress was brought forth, leaving the unanswered questions of “Who was the adulterer?” and “Why was he not brought along with her?” Some critics are of the opinion that the adulterer may have been someone in the crowd, holding a position of authority from amongst the hypocrites, hence been left “off the hook”.
Muslims face many a challenge when forbidding evil, and often lack the wisdom and sincerity to do so effectively. For instance, we might be quick to judge the new sister in our community who does not wear hijab, but fail to admonish the veteran sister who attends the study circle and backbites. Or we might firmly stand against the brother who sells liquor in his convenience store, but will not dare speak up against the religious leader who commits wrongdoings.
In situations as such, we are reminded of the hadith reported by ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud, in which the Prophet (saw) stated: “The first defect (in religion) which affected the Children of Israel in the way that man would meet another and say to him: ‘Fear Allah and abstain from what you are doing, for this is not lawful for you’. Then he would meet him the next day and find no change in him, but this would not prevent him from eating with him, drinking with him and sitting in his assembles. When it came to this, Allah led their hearts into evil ways on account of their association with others.”
Forbidding evil is a duty that we all need to assume responsibly for our own sake and the benefit of our communities. No one amongst us is free of sin: we must forbid evil nonetheless.
In Pericope Adulterae, Jesus (as) is approached by a group of hypocrites, with stones in hand, to judge in the case of an adulteress. The woman, commonly referred to as “the prostitute”, is caught in the act and brought to Jesus (as) for judgment. Knowing their deceiving nature, Jesus (as) addresses the hypocrites by saying: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. Haunted by their conscience, the group of men retreat from the scene, leaving Jesus (as) and the woman alone. He then asks of her if there were any accusers who condemned her, and in their absence, he then tells her to “go on and sin no more” .
This story presents us with the human dilemma of judging others for their evil actions when we ourselves are guilty of sin. As Muslims, we are constantly deliberating between enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, as Allah (swt) commanded us in the Quran , and keeping our sins in front of us when judging others. All too often we encounter fellow Muslim brothers and sisters publicly transgressing Allah’s boundaries in our communities: the brother with the convenience store who sells liquor, the sister who is always backbiting other sisters, the brother who abuses his wife. In these situations, we ask ourselves: “Who am I to say anything? Isn’t it hypocritical to admonish them when I am not without sin?”
In Islam, we can approach this moral predicament through the hadith reported by Abu Said Al-Khudri (ra), where the Prophet (saw) said "Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is unable to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest form of Faith" . Muslims have an obligation to forbid evil in all cases or they run the risk of being cursed by Allah for not condemning it, as stated by Prophet Muhammad (saw) in his saying: “Nay, by Allah, you either enjoin good and forbid evil and catch hold of the hand of the oppressor and persuade him to act justly and stick to the truth, or Allah will involve the hearts of some of you with the hearts of others and will curse you as He had cursed them.”
Looking back at Pericope Adulterae, we find critics of the story questioning Jesus’ wisdom in not punishing the adulteress. It is often argued that Jesus (as) understood the hypocrites’ approach to be a test of his knowledge and adherence to the Mosaic Law. Then there is the issue of double standards, in that only the adulteress was brought forth, leaving the unanswered questions of “Who was the adulterer?” and “Why was he not brought along with her?” Some critics are of the opinion that the adulterer may have been someone in the crowd, holding a position of authority from amongst the hypocrites, hence been left “off the hook”.
Muslims face many a challenge when forbidding evil, and often lack the wisdom and sincerity to do so effectively. For instance, we might be quick to judge the new sister in our community who does not wear hijab, but fail to admonish the veteran sister who attends the study circle and backbites. Or we might firmly stand against the brother who sells liquor in his convenience store, but will not dare speak up against the religious leader who commits wrongdoings.
In situations as such, we are reminded of the hadith reported by ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud, in which the Prophet (saw) stated: “The first defect (in religion) which affected the Children of Israel in the way that man would meet another and say to him: ‘Fear Allah and abstain from what you are doing, for this is not lawful for you’. Then he would meet him the next day and find no change in him, but this would not prevent him from eating with him, drinking with him and sitting in his assembles. When it came to this, Allah led their hearts into evil ways on account of their association with others.”
Forbidding evil is a duty that we all need to assume responsibly for our own sake and the benefit of our communities. No one amongst us is free of sin: we must forbid evil nonetheless.
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